


it’s a trick of the light

by championadonis



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Creampie, Dare I say...., Fingering, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Nipple Play, Praise Kink, Religious Guilt, Rimming, Slurs, slight d/s themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 12:42:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20930405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/championadonis/pseuds/championadonis
Summary: Toronto isn’t New York but it feels like it.What can he say? He’s a man of the faith.





	it’s a trick of the light

**Author's Note:**

> for maximum reading experience, listen to “a trick of the light” by the villagers mahogany session

Toronto isn’t New York but it feels like it.

John may be back in his hometown, playing for his home team, being called  _ pajama boy  _ for choosing a fresh slate but it’s not quite the same. The fans are almost the same, loudly proclaiming when they’re proud of him and the team and being even  _ louder _ when they lose. Hockey is hockey but the people in the GTA are different.

It’s definitely not New York in terms of the scene he feels like. He’s not one for labeling but the act of submitting to someone, of being praised and dotted on makes him feel fuzzy in a way that warms him blood, his belly and cock. He’s been called a lot of things in hockey, ranging from the offensive to the generally odd the “princess” is the closest to describing him; he likes taking cock, likes being sweet and kissed and petted. It’s a stark contrast to his hockey persona of boring, serious captain that’s followed him from one team to the other. 

He’s a lot more shy about going out now, seeing that everyone is following his every move. He misses being able to submit, to relax and be taken care of. It makes him bring out the toys he shamefully bought and hid. It makes him fuck into himself to the point he’s begging the stale air that drifts through his unlived apartment. 

He feels dirty after but somewhat satisfied in a way that he hasn’t felt in a while.

* * *

He starts to notice Freddie over the summer. It’s just via instagram posts but…. Freddie is big. Big hands, big body, big cock probably. He’s proportional and John finds that he wants Fred on top of him, fucking him into his, frankly, giant bed in a mortifying thought. John doesn’t mess around with teammates; too messy, too likely to be questioned or be spilled out loud to the wrong person. John has eyes and his hands; that’s all he needs to get off in a clinical way. But with Fred, the thought of him carrying John to bed, of holding him down with just his weight and kissing him breathless, is overwhelming. It’s an insatiable need for him. 

It’s such a need that John almost calls his old dom? in New York, just to have someone put him under, to tell him the shame and guilt he’s feeling isn’t okay and that wanting someone is natural. It’s okay if he likes men and wants a boyfriend. It’s okay.

* * *

John’s dilemma is kept hidden because he’s not gonna fuck with team chemistry, not when the season just started and they need to win win win. But it rears its head whenever John so much as glances at Fred. Sometimes, right before Fred can notice, John looks his fill, tries to memorize the hard planes of muscle and hard work. It’s not until Fred catches him looking does John’s heart sink and he blushes, mortifyingly enough. 

Fred raises an eyebrow but John had already looked away, bile rising in his throat alone with panic. He’s never been caught before but he’s also ever  _ looked  _ before. He rushes through getting dressed, panic ever so rising and says his goodbyes as he makes his escape.

He doesn’t see Fred make a face at his rushing but he also doesn’t care.

* * *

John goes home and starts drinking. He’s no alcoholic but he needs a relaxer, needs something to take the edge off. He’s lucky that the next two days are off days and that he can drink without having to worry about being hungover for a game.

He’s so ashamed of himself that he wants to cry.

He went to church everyday as a child; before hockey became too great and consumed him. God is his shepherd and John His lamb but his desires for other men are wolves that circle him so thickly that God can’t help him.

He goes to bed.

* * *

John wakes up the next day with a massive hangover and a text from an unknown number.

The hangover he knew was bound to happen so he just gets up and puts some coffee, water and pain killers in his system. The text? Not expected.

It’s actually a series of texts.

_ hello john, are you okay? you left practice really fast _

_ it’s freddie by the way _

That part has John internally shrinking. He’s not really to be confronted about his… attraction to the Dane. Not really to admit he likes men to anyone really.

_ so, i think that we need to talk. come by my place around 4:30? _

Dread fills John’s belly (or maybe it’s bile from his hangover?) and he has to rush to vomit. He doesn’t want to talk to Fred. He wants this to blow over so that he can go back to pretending that he can do this. That he doesn’t have an attraction to other men. 

But 4:30 rolls around and John… He’s made peace with this. He knows that if he’s outed, if he’s traded, if he’s  _ shunned  _ it’s all his fault.

* * *

The drive to Freddie’s isn’t long. It’s just nerve wrecking and full of shame. Fred’s apartment complex is nice, especially by hockey player standards. John texts Freddie that he’s here and he’s buzzed up, heart in his throat. It occurs to him that he could just leave but if Fred took the time to text him he might as well face the music, so to speak.

* * *

Freddie opens the door on the third knock. He looks good and John mentally berates himself for thinking such thoughts. 

“You came.” Freddie days and it sounds so nice, like Johns mistake isn’t so bad. “Yeah.”

Freddie bustles John in, chatting about this and that and John feels stiff, like he’s about to break.

“I’m sorry,” John blurts out, slipping his gaze downward. He can lol at Freddie, can’t let Freddie see what a  _ faggot  _ his captain was. “ I’m sorry I looked at you it won’t happ-“

“John.” Is all Freddie says before his hands (big big hands) move slowly to his shoulders, and then to his cheeks. “John, calm down. It’s okay.”

But John isn’t listening. His eyes may be looking straight at Freddie but he’s panicking so badly that Freddie just decides to kiss him.

* * *

_ “It’s soft _ , _ ”  _ is the first thought John has after Freddie decided to put his lips on him. He’s holding his breath but he’s been wanting this so badly. Wanting to be Fred’s and be treated with love. 

John kisses back like he’s hungry and Freddie is the only thing he can eat. It’s desperate and messy but Freddie understands.

Fred breaks the kiss and leads them to his couch and pulls John onto his lap, warm and solid. John’s well on his way to chubbing up in his jeans, and then Freddie kisses him again. It’s honey thick and sweet, making John more desperate than he’s ever been. He makes a noise in his throat and he nearly reels back to apologize but Freddie is there, pulling John forward and squeezing his sides. 

“I… I can’t do. Once.” John confesses. He can’t get to taste this once and then never again. Freddie just smiles and pulls him closer than before and tells him, “Of course. I can’t do this once either.”

“You feel good.” Is what comes out of Fred’s mouth next and John makes another noise and goes to tuck his face into Fred’s neck. He’s panting and needy and fully hard to the point he’s actually  _ aching _ to be touched. “You wanna be a good boy? For me?” 

John whines out “ _ Yesssss,”  _ and starts tentatively kissing at Freddie’s neck, unconsciously grinding down. Fred pets at Johns back, his sides, kisses at his neck back and that earns him a whimper. John is this plain man in the locker room but in private? Fred is figuring out that he’s sweet.

“Baby,” and John melts at the word, “Can I take you to bed?” Fred asks and John just wants so badly. “Please?”

Fred helps him up, and John can finally see how hard he is, how desperate and easy he is for it. But Freddie just holds him close and kisses him, eases him. 

Freddie’s bed really is giant, full of pillows and John briefly wonders how many people  how many men have been taken here. Did they enjoy it? Did they say His name in vain? Where they too lambs led astray?

But Freddie pushes up behind him, wrapping his arms around and starts to suck a mark onto his neck. John whines out loud at that because he’s so so needy and wants Freddie to touch him already. Freddie helps him to undress and Johns mouth waters without his permission. He’s almost afraid to look, to touch but Fred just grabs his hand and placed them onto his chest.

Freddie takes him apart first with his fingers, than his mouth. Johns never been eaten out before and it’s a shock to his system, just how good it feels. He’s pushing his hips back and would be embarrassed by it if Freddie wasn’t gripping his hips and moaning. John has barely ever fingered himself before this but with Freddie, it feels right. It feels like he should be given all this pleasure. “Can.. can you please kiss me?” is the first thing John says to break the silence and he mentally chastises himself but Freddie places one last kiss on his tailbone and climbs up to him. They swap lazy kisses and John feels like he’s melting again. Freddie kisses him and pinches his left nipple and John moans so loudly it startles him. 

“Such a good boy ... and so sensitive.” Fred murmurs and John is swimming in how happy he is. He kisses Freddie with a new hunger and Fred laughs, pinches his nipples again and watches how John squirms. John doesn’t realize it but he’s squeezing his legs together in an effort to take the edge off. Freddie asks if he wants a condom.

“Oh… I. Um. I want to feel you come in me?” John’s voice lifts up at the end like a question but Freddie is already grabbing the lube and slicking up his (very proportionate) cock up. “Baby can you get on your belly for me?”

John rolls onto his belly and Freddie has him lift his hips, puts a pillow at just the right angle that John's cock will rub against it. “Can you relax baby?” Fred asks in a gentle voice the makes John melt again. “Yes Freddie.” Freddie pushes forward and John moans at the pressure, at the feeling of Freddie stretching him wide open. 

It feels like an eternity by the time Freddie decides to change position. Freddie heaves John up, and John whines at how  _ deep  _ the new angle is. It lights up his insides, belly aflame. “Please let me come I wanna come please please  _ please please please,”  _ is the chant that starts to spill out of John as Freddie grunts his release. John whimpers and starts to reach for his cock but Freddie beats him to it, wraps a bid hand around him and stroke once, twice, and Johns coming.

The feeling of come leaking out of him is one John doesn’t want to forget for a long time. It’s intimate and he wants Freddie to know that he’s his now. God was his shepherd and he His lamb but Freddie is the shepherd that protects him from his wolves.


End file.
